distractions

And then there was always the remote possibility that she had managed to touch a part of me that I kept hidden from everyone, even myself. It was a part of me that wanted to stop thinking, to stop searching, to stop worrying about what everyone thought of me and just let go and be comfortable and free and in the moment, the way I felt surfing that big wave in Malibu.

The problem is, once you feel that you can’t go back to the way you were before, and when it’s gone there’s a big hole where before, there wasn’t much of anything. At that point, everything else is just you looking for a distraction.