Monday, May 22, 2006

Car trouble

So.....I meant to write, but I got stuck in Bozeman, Montana when my car broke down. I changed my fuel filter by flashlight in the wall-mart parking lot, but sadly, that did not get it started again. I am currently still in bozeman, at a coffeeshop with a computer. My flight to europe leaves wednesday morning. my car is in the shop. They are "really busy". I gave them my sob story. They said they would do their best. I believe them. The girl who checked me into my hotel room wants me. Lonely, dejected, and covered in gasoline and motor oil, i briefly thought maybe i wanted her....then decided, wisely, against it. I got gasoline all over my cell phone--and now the microphone doesnt work. I can hear the world crystal clear...but to them...I broadcast nothing but silence. I lost my credit card. And then found it in the hands of an autoparts store employee who laughed mockingly at my misfortune. I discovered that if I use my hands-free headset for my cell phone, people can hear me. Unfortunately, I've also discovered that using a hands-free handset for my cell phone while walking around Bozeman Montana is an invitation to have my ass kicked. So, all I'm saying, is that I would have written sooner, if the oldsmobile hadn't had to stop to take a monstroshit. Sweet mother mary, it's time for a fucking newsmobile.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

distractions

And then there was always the remote possibility that she had managed to touch a part of me that I kept hidden from everyone, even myself. It was a part of me that wanted to stop thinking, to stop searching, to stop worrying about what everyone thought of me and just let go and be comfortable and free and in the moment, the way I felt surfing that big wave in Malibu.

The problem is, once you feel that you can’t go back to the way you were before, and when it’s gone there’s a big hole where before, there wasn’t much of anything. At that point, everything else is just you looking for a distraction.